Say It.

“If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there.”-Mark Sloan, Grey’s Anatomy 9X02

Thursday I told this guy that I had feelings for him… not necessarily that I love him, but I felt like it was that big of a deal all the same. I was scared to death because he did not reply. We did not talk that night nor the next day. I thought I had single handedly burned my life to the ground, so to speak. But yesterday, yesterday proved that I hadn’t.

So, if you love someone, tell them. Because it is the right thing. It will cause problems, but they will fix themselves. You may burn your life to the ground, but you will rebuild stronger. Say it loud. Go from there.


Five weeks until summer.

The California trip was amazing to say the least. I felt like it was a dream until the girls lost the game at the last second. Here’s a few pictures from the trip!


The flight there!


Golden Gate


More Golden Gate


Obligatory Red Towel picture




Other side of Golden Gate park thingy






The Full House house


Flight there


Alcatraz! (And shoes)


First day Red Towel picture from far away


Sunset and Golden Gate and bay picture




Big Red Pep Band at the Golden Gate!!

Every week since then has consisted of me trying to catch up since our schedule is so whacky with all of our snow days.

I have 3 concerts, a football game performance, two papers, a presentation, two discussion days, finals, and a jury left.

Holy. Cow. Please. Send. Help.

California Girl

This is going to be a quick post (it’s 1 am and I have to wake up in 5 hours).

Last night I received word that I was selected to go on a trip to California (leaving at 10 am… 9 hours) to play in the pep band for the NCAA tournament. This includes a free flight, admission to the game, and payment. I am ecstatic.

Today has been hectic. I’ve been doing homework for the rest of the week, emailing professors to let them know (and some sent a “congrats, safe travels” back!), and packing (going home to grab summer clothes because winter hasn’t fully left KY yet). I haven’t flown in 7 years and so I’ve spent the better part of the day freaking out about TSA and forgetting to pack something. I think I have it done now. All of my electronics are charging currently and I am fixing to head to bed for a few hours before I embark on an once in a lifetime opportunity that my college has offered me.

I’ll post pictures when I’m back, y’all.

With Spring Break.

With spring break comes relaxing and getting away from a lot of stress.

With spring break comes getting away from current problems.

With spring break comes finally being able to think clearly and not wanting to know the results.

With spring break comes catching up on all of my tv shows.

With spring break comes heartbreak while watching my Tops fall at the last second in the tournament.

With spring break comes a scholarship gala and my parents’ fake enthusiasm and fake pride when they’re only there for the free dinner.

With spring break comes wanting to go back to my real home.

With spring break comes catching up on all of my homework.

With spring break comes observations and getting that warm feeling in my heart when working with young music students.

With spring break comes missing people.

With spring break comes feeling pretty one day and

With spring break comes feeling like a fat lard the next.

With spring break comes a push for the final 8 weeks before finals week.

With spring break comes my parents pushing summer job applications on me when all I want is to work a band camp.

With spring break comes hope, regret, promise, let downs, motivation, the feeling of wanting to quit it all, and the realization that I’m not going to be good enough at what I do.

With spring break comes questions.

With spring break comes me.

Two Months

Since my last post, I kinda forgot that I had a blog. So much has happened since Midwest!

On January 16th, my dad and I drove up to Louisville and we returned with one piece of heaven, my brand spanking new R13. I’ve finally came up with a name for it, Enoch Amour (dedication, love, and passion), to remind me that I worked so hard to get it and to keep working. I’m going to spend the rest of the year broke while I pay my parents off, but it is well worth it.

I moved back to campus the Wednesday before classes started and helped with our university’s high school honor band. Watching the guest conductor for my band work with the high school students and get them concert ready in one and a half days of rehearsal time was such a gift. I took so many good things from it that I plan on using when I finally get to teach my own class (including 15 of my 200 required observation hours!).

I decided to stress myself out this semester and take 19 hours including 5 ensembles, but I am calling this my diversity semester. I am taking Islam and Rock & Roll, and am in Choral Society, Pep Band, Jazz Band, Concert Band, and a clarinet quartet. My music life has expanded so much and I’ve found a love for so many different music styles than I had last semester.

I’m also playing with the orchestra at a church a few streets down from campus, and that makes me so happy. I am getting my name out there and getting gigs and that is how I will be able to survive. I am so excited to play with them Sunday!

One last thing, I actually have a somewhat budding romance going on, and that is just the icing on the top of two months worth of delicious life cake. He is so sweet and kind and is the absolute best.

I promise to write more often (somehow)

Midwest Mania

It has been forever since a post. It was the end of the year push with auditions, finals week, and juries. This is the first semester I’ve had all A’s since I went to college, and I’m pretty excited.

The week after finals week, some friends and I went to Chicago for Midwest Clinic, which is the world’s largest instrumental music education conference. While there, I attended clinics, listened to ensembles, and got to know my friends even more.

I cannot express with words how attending that clinic made my love for music grow. Or maybe it didn’t grow. Maybe I just found what I already had. My passion has been renewed and I will never forget all of the once in a lifetime opportunities I had while up there. Since coming back, I have practiced every single day for two hours or so. And they have been focused practices. I want to get better for the future. I absolutely positively love music and making music and listening to music and teaching music.

That feeling of being surrounded by everyone, young and old, that loves music, is one that I want to get back. It was simply remarkable.

Until next year, when I plan to return, I am trying to save up to finally by the R13 that I have been wanting for over a year now, and I badly need an upgrade. My poor little Rutherford is hanging on, but it’s giving me a bad tone in the lower registers and other things that are just due to age and quality.

I fell in love with one R13 at Midwest, and my friends took to calling it Baefett.

My plan is to go up to a music store and try them out next week, but I sadly still will not have any money to even start paying for it.

Until next time!

God’s Saving Grace

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us” 1 John 3:16

As I’m in my bed preparing for yet another week full of classes, my favorite episode of How I Met Your Mother comes on, my roommate is asleep and I’m messaging a friend. But mainly, I’m feeling God’s grace inside of me, and I feel like I have found the Lord. This is the best feeling I have ever experienced and this is too exciting for me to not be in a position to scream from the roof of my dorm (ya know, and the quiet happy tears that are running down my face too). The quote was from the bible study I’m in this semester, and it hit me so hard that I had to highlight it, write it down on a piece of paper, and pin it on my board.

Today I have decided to start really studying the Bible. I have finally decided to devote my life to following God’s will, and in order to do that, I need to read the Bible. Next weekend I will go purchase some stuff I need for organization, and then I will start. This will be a long and tedious process, but I’m ready for it… I’m also posting it on the world wide web so that I can’t go back on it.

I’m just so happy right now and I wanted to share with you, with everyone.

a journey through college, religion, finding love (hopefullly), and growing up.


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