With Spring Break.

With spring break comes relaxing and getting away from a lot of stress.

With spring break comes getting away from current problems.

With spring break comes finally being able to think clearly and not wanting to know the results.

With spring break comes catching up on all of my tv shows.

With spring break comes heartbreak while watching my Tops fall at the last second in the tournament.

With spring break comes a scholarship gala and my parents’ fake enthusiasm and fake pride when they’re only there for the free dinner.

With spring break comes wanting to go back to my real home.

With spring break comes catching up on all of my homework.

With spring break comes observations and getting that warm feeling in my heart when working with young music students.

With spring break comes missing people.

With spring break comes feeling pretty one day and

With spring break comes feeling like a fat lard the next.

With spring break comes a push for the final 8 weeks before finals week.

With spring break comes my parents pushing summer job applications on me when all I want is to work a band camp.

With spring break comes hope, regret, promise, let downs, motivation, the feeling of wanting to quit it all, and the realization that I’m not going to be good enough at what I do.

With spring break comes questions.

With spring break comes me.


Two Months

Since my last post, I kinda forgot that I had a blog. So much has happened since Midwest!

On January 16th, my dad and I drove up to Louisville and we returned with one piece of heaven, my brand spanking new R13. I’ve finally came up with a name for it, Enoch Amour (dedication, love, and passion), to remind me that I worked so hard to get it and to keep working. I’m going to spend the rest of the year broke while I pay my parents off, but it is well worth it.

I moved back to campus the Wednesday before classes started and helped with our university’s high school honor band. Watching the guest conductor for my band work with the high school students and get them concert ready in one and a half days of rehearsal time was such a gift. I took so many good things from it that I plan on using when I finally get to teach my own class (including 15 of my 200 required observation hours!).

I decided to stress myself out this semester and take 19 hours including 5 ensembles, but I am calling this my diversity semester. I am taking Islam and Rock & Roll, and am in Choral Society, Pep Band, Jazz Band, Concert Band, and a clarinet quartet. My music life has expanded so much and I’ve found a love for so many different music styles than I had last semester.

I’m also playing with the orchestra at a church a few streets down from campus, and that makes me so happy. I am getting my name out there and getting gigs and that is how I will be able to survive. I am so excited to play with them Sunday!

One last thing, I actually have a somewhat budding romance going on, and that is just the icing on the top of two months worth of delicious life cake. He is so sweet and kind and is the absolute best.

I promise to write more often (somehow)

Midwest Mania

It has been forever since a post. It was the end of the year push with auditions, finals week, and juries. This is the first semester I’ve had all A’s since I went to college, and I’m pretty excited.

The week after finals week, some friends and I went to Chicago for Midwest Clinic, which is the world’s largest instrumental music education conference. While there, I attended clinics, listened to ensembles, and got to know my friends even more.

I cannot express with words how attending that clinic made my love for music grow. Or maybe it didn’t grow. Maybe I just found what I already had. My passion has been renewed and I will never forget all of the once in a lifetime opportunities I had while up there. Since coming back, I have practiced every single day for two hours or so. And they have been focused practices. I want to get better for the future. I absolutely positively love music and making music and listening to music and teaching music.

That feeling of being surrounded by everyone, young and old, that loves music, is one that I want to get back. It was simply remarkable.

Until next year, when I plan to return, I am trying to save up to finally by the R13 that I have been wanting for over a year now, and I badly need an upgrade. My poor little Rutherford is hanging on, but it’s giving me a bad tone in the lower registers and other things that are just due to age and quality.

I fell in love with one R13 at Midwest, and my friends took to calling it Baefett.

My plan is to go up to a music store and try them out next week, but I sadly still will not have any money to even start paying for it.

Until next time!

God’s Saving Grace

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us” 1 John 3:16

As I’m in my bed preparing for yet another week full of classes, my favorite episode of How I Met Your Mother comes on, my roommate is asleep and I’m messaging a friend. But mainly, I’m feeling God’s grace inside of me, and I feel like I have found the Lord. This is the best feeling I have ever experienced and this is too exciting for me to not be in a position to scream from the roof of my dorm (ya know, and the quiet happy tears that are running down my face too). The quote was from the bible study I’m in this semester, and it hit me so hard that I had to highlight it, write it down on a piece of paper, and pin it on my board.

Today I have decided to start really studying the Bible. I have finally decided to devote my life to following God’s will, and in order to do that, I need to read the Bible. Next weekend I will go purchase some stuff I need for organization, and then I will start. This will be a long and tedious process, but I’m ready for it… I’m also posting it on the world wide web so that I can’t go back on it.

I’m just so happy right now and I wanted to share with you, with everyone.

Apples and Peanut Butter-I made it to 20 posts!

Hey guys, remember when I used to post to this one blog constantly? Yeah, this one? I’m sorry. Life is a lot more hectic than I thought it was going to be. I’m on fall break starting today so I’m in bed early (before 1 am) and ready to catch up on sleep and practice. I’ve sprained my ankle so I’ve had a pretty tiring past week and it’s all uphill from there (ha. get it? Hilltoppers? Don’t know what that means? Google it)

Friday, Three Phantoms in Concert performed at Western…. three men who played the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera (my favorite) talked to me, hugged me, and one called me love in his sweet irish accent *swoon*. It was amazingly wonderful.

Tuesday (yesterday), WYNTONMARSALISANDJAZZATLINCOLNCENTERORCHESTRA performed. Because of my ankle, I was in so much pain, I didn’t stick around to get a picture with Mr. Marsalis and I’m kicking myself in the tail for that now. I still can’t believe that my university got him to come here and I got to see him for free.


Also, guess what!




Also, I’ve joined a bible study at the BCM called Experiencing God. I’m so excited to start this journey and see how God has always been acting in my life. I’m just very excited.


It’s not 11 pm and I’m exhausted. Friends is on and Sasha is whining in her cage because this is the first time she’s seen me in like twoish weeks and I have to be in her line of sight every single second.


My plans for break include relaxing and sleeping, and practicing for string tech, piano, and of course for my lessons. (Imma die)

(I might wanna turn my alarm off for the rest of the week)


Night guys!



11 Days of Life

Alot has happened in the past 11 days (well not really but I’m tired and I couldn’t come up with another title soooooo….)

On Saturday we drove down to MTSU for the football game. We lost in triple overtime. (It’s such a drag to lose and then to have to drive home for two hours). And then I got sick and by Monday, I had no voice. My Mom and Mamaw brought me meds Tuesday and now I’m feeling a ton better and have gotten my voice back… some.

On Monday, my cousin had her daughter! I still haven’t visited (it’s kinda hard to do), but I’m so excited and enjoy seeing her posts on Facebook.

This morning, at 5 am, we had a campus wide fire drill. I drank so much coffee today. So. Much. It’s not even 10:30 and I’m ready for bed. I’m so exhausted.

Now that you’re caught up:

Music is the right major for me. It’s a lot of hard work, but I am eager to learn it and am willing to do the homework and practice time that is needed. I never dread the classes (even my  8am… just the fact that it’s early). And I don’t mind the long hours because I’m always with my friends. It’s nice.

I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but I hope that I can get a job when I graduate.


I’ve also, as one of my last posts mentioned, have been struggling with my religion this semester and in giving my life to God. It’s not that I don’t want to, but that I feel like I don’t deserve it. It’s just a lot of emotionally challenging parts put all together and when I think about it, I just want to cry and be hugged, and I think I’ve pulled away from my closest friends because of this. I’m scared to admit it to them and they know something’s wrong and I’m just not sure what to do. Just writing this makes my heart heavy and makes me mentally exhausted.


Until next time.

a journey through college, religion, finding love (hopefullly), and growing up.